Toddler bedtime

Many toddlers have settling and sleep problems. Common toddler sleep problems include having trouble settling to sleep and not wanting to stay in bed at bedtime. A consistent bedtime routine helps toddlers get ready for sleep.

Toddlers need about 12-13 hours of sleep every 24 hours. That’s usually 10-12 hours at night and 1-2 hours during the day. Once asleep, most toddlers sleep through most nights without waking mum or dad. But toddlers love to test their independence, so getting them to bed in the first place can be a challenge.

Young children also get overtired easily. When they do, they find it harder to get to sleep. Once you can spot your child’s signs of tiredness, you’ll be able to settle your child to sleep before grumpiness sets in. A firm and consistent bedtime routine will be a big help.

Sleep problems key points

• All children can sometimes have trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep.
• Some sleep problems are related to children’s bedtime routines and sleep environments. You can manage these sleep problems by promoting good sleep habits.
• Some sleep problems are caused by things like unhealthy eating habits and lack of physical activity. You can often sort out these problems by making some simple lifestyle changes.
• Some sleep behavior can look like a problem but is actually quite typical. This includes night terrors, nightmares and sleepwalking. It might also include bedwetting and toileting.
• And other sleep problems are caused by illnesses, health conditions or anxiety. You might need to talk with your doctor about these kinds of sleep problems.

Sleep medications aren’t usually the solution to children’s sleep problems – there are better ways to deal with these difficulties.

Talk with your child’s doctor if you’ve been trying good sleep habits and lifestyle changes, and they don’t seem to be helping. You might be referred to a pediatrician, psychologist or other health professional who is experienced in treating children’s persistent sleep problems.

Understanding sleep problems and sleep patterns is an important starting point for helping your child develop healthy habits and a positive attitude towards sleep.

Sleep problems often start to get better after the first week of getting into good sleep habits. If you don’t see any improvement, there might be medical or psychological reasons for your child’s sleep problems. It’s worth talking with your child’s doctor in this situation.

Toddler sleep schedule

A common daily sleep schedule for toddlers might look like this:

• 7 am: wake up
• 1 pm: nap of no more than 2 hours
• 3 pm: wake up
• 7 pm: bedtime.

If your toddler’s day nap is too long or too late in the day, they might not be ready for bed until late at night.

Some toddlers like to wake at 5.30 am or 6 am. There isn’t much you can do about this. Putting your toddler to bed later at night in the hope of later waking in the morning doesn’t tend to work. Your toddler might still wake up early then be grumpy from too little sleep.

If you live with an early riser, you might want to make your bedtime earlier too.

Night terrors

A night terror is when your child suddenly gets very upset while sleeping deeply. Night terrors can be scary for you, but they don’t hurt your child, and your child won’t remember them in the morning.

Lack of sleep can cause night terrors in some children. If you think your child isn’t getting enough sleep, a positive bedtime routine might help.

A night terror usually settles down in 10-15 minutes, but they can last longer than this.

Teeth-grinding

Many children grind their teeth at some stage. Children won’t usually be woken up by the sound of their own teeth-grinding – but other people in the room might be!

Bedtime routines for kids

A consistent bedtime routine helps prepare toddlers for sleep. Most toddlers are ready for bed between 6.30 pm and 7.30 pm. This is a good time, because they sleep deepest between 8 pm and midnight. It’s important to keep the routine consistent on weekends as well as during the week.

A bedtime routine might look something like this:

• 6.30 pm: brush teeth and change nappy
• 6.45 pm: quiet time (read a book or tell a story)
• 7 pm: into bed and kiss goodnight.

Before you turn out the light, it’s a good idea to do a quick check of your child’s room to make sure the sleeping environment is safe.

If your child takes a pacifier (dummy) to bed, you might consider encouraging your child to let go of the dummy.

Taking a bottle of milk to bed isn’t a good idea either, because it can cause tooth decay and lead to more problems with sleep. It’s better for your child to finish their milk at least 30 minutes before going to bed.

Calling out and getting up after bedtime

Your toddler might go through a stage of calling out or getting out of bed after you’ve said goodnight.

Try these tips:

• Avoid boisterous play before bedtime. This can make it harder for your child to settle.
• Turn off the TV, computers and tablets an hour before bedtime, and avoid letting your child watch scary or exciting things close to bedtime.
• Set up a consistent, calming bedtime routine.
• Before leaving your child’s bedroom, check that your child has everything they need. Remind your child to stay quietly in bed.

If your toddler shares a bedroom with a brother or sister, you might need to delay your other child’s bedtime by half an hour until your toddler is settled and asleep. If you’re firm and consistent, your toddler will quickly get the message that bedtime is for sleeping.

Check whether your child actually needs something when they call out. If your child has done a poo, change the nappy with the lights dim and no talking. If your child is scared of a monster under the bed, quickly check (with the light off) to confirm the room is free of monsters. If your child is scared of the dark, think about using a night-light.

Positive bedtime routines

A positive bedtime routine involves your child going through a few pleasurable activities about 20 minutes before bedtime. A good bedtime routine helps soothe and calm your child in the 20 minutes or so before bed so she’s ready for sleep. It also helps your child develop good sleep habits now and for the future.

A bedtime routine involves doing similar activities in a similar way each night. These activities can include having a bath, brushing teeth and reading.

If your child is settling to sleep later than you’d like, start the routine a bit earlier every few days, gradually moving towards your preferred time.

Without a good bedtime routine, it can be hard for a baby to settle to sleep.

If you’re working on getting your baby or young child to settle better at bedtime, a positive bedtime routine will help. Child health professionals will almost always recommend a positive bedtime routine if you’re using behavior strategies like controlled comforting or camping out.

What a positive bedtime routine looks like?

A bedtime routine can have quite a few activities. The key is that you do similar activities in roughly the same way each night, starting around 20 minutes before your child’s bedtime.

Most bedtime routines include pre-bed tasks like having a bath and brushing teeth, as well as quiet, enjoyable activities like reading a book or listening to a story. The aim is to keep the atmosphere calm and positive, using positive attention and praise.

Here’s an example of a bedtime routine that could start after dinner and a bath:

• Your child plays quietly for 15-20 minutes – this could include reading with you.
• You and your child go into the bedroom.
• You and your child have a brief cuddle and kiss.
• You put your child into bed.

At the end of the 20-minute ‘positive period’, say goodnight to your child. This is the time to be firm if your child resists. Be clear that it’s now time for sleep, then leave the room straight away.

Choosing a bedtime

You might have an ideal bedtime in mind somewhere between 7 pm and 8 pm often works for young children. But when you’re dealing with settling problems, it’s best to start with the bedtime that’s closest to when your child naturally falls asleep. This increases the chance that the bedtime routine will become strongly linked to sleep time for your child. For example, if you find that your child finally falls asleep around 9 pm, start with this as a temporary bedtime.

Moving your child’s actual bedtime towards your ideal bedtime

About a week after you introduce the positive bedtime routine, you can start gradually making your child’s bedtime earlier.

This involves making bedtime about 15 minutes earlier every couple of days. You do this until you reach the ideal bedtime for your child.

For example, your child has been falling asleep at 9 pm, but you want an 8 pm bedtime. Here’s what to do:

1. Start by putting your child to bed at 8.45 pm.
2. Do this for two nights.
3. Move bedtime back to 8.30 pm for the next two nights.
4. Continue this gradual ‘fading’ process until your child is going to bed at the time you want.

It can take a few weeks but a positive bedtime routine will improve settling problems, decrease the number of times your child calls out to you at night, and lead to better parent-child relationships.

Moving to a big bed

Most children move from a cot to a bed when they’re around 2-3½ years old. But there’s no hurry, particularly because some young toddlers might try to get out of a big bed more often.

You might need to move your child if your child has started climbing out of the cot or needs to use the potty at night, or if you need the cot for a new baby.

How to help toddler fighting at bedtime

A good night’s sleep is about getting to sleep and staying asleep. Most children wake up by themselves in the morning if they’re getting enough good-quality sleep. A routine that includes relaxing time before bed and regular bedtimes and wake times can help your child settle better.

Make sure your child has enough food at the right time, sunlight during the day, and no caffeine in the afternoon and evening.

When children don’t sleep well, parents are likely to experience poor sleep, high levels of stress and depression. So there are good reasons for working on your child’s sleep habits and sleep problems.

Getting to sleep

Most children fall asleep within 20 minutes of going to bed. How long it takes to get to sleep can depend on how sleepy your child’s body is, and also on her daytime and bedtime routine. Some bedtime routines help your child wind down before bedtime, so she can fall asleep more easily.

Help your child settle for sleep with a sleep environment that’s quiet and dimly lit.

Staying asleep

During the night, your child cycles between light sleep, deep sleep and dream sleep.

Your child has most of his deep sleep during the first few hours after falling asleep. During the second half of the night, his sleep consists of light sleep and dream sleep.

Your child wakes briefly as she cycles between light and dream sleep, but she might not be aware of being awake. To stay asleep, your child needs to be able to fall back to sleep by herself after these brief waking episodes.

Bedtime routine

Too much noise and activity before bed can get children overexcited and make it harder for them to settle down for sleep. You can work on this with a positive bedtime routine that includes up to an hour of quiet time for your child to wind down for sleep.

Sometimes changes to children’s normal bedtime routine can affect how well they settle down – for example, daylight saving, jet lag or a new bedroom. These sleep problems usually sort themselves out within a week or so, as your child’s sleep cycle adjusts to a new routine.

Sleep environment

Some sleep environments can make it harder for children to get to sleep. Check that your child’s sleep space is quiet, dimly lit and neither too hot nor too cold.

Eating habits

What and when your child eats and drinks can affect her ability to settle down at night.

Here are some ideas if you think your child’s eating habits during the day might be causing sleep problems:

• Make sure your child avoids caffeine – for example, in energy drinks, coffee, tea, chocolate and cola – especially in the late afternoon or evening.
• Plan the evening meal so that your child is satisfied but not too full when he goes to bed.

Physical activity

If your child isn’t doing enough physical activity during the day, she might not be feeling physically tired enough to settle down for sleep at night.

It’s a good idea to encourage your child to be more active during the day – for example, even a family walk before dinner can make a difference.

It’s great if your child can be active outside, because plenty of natural light during the day also helps with sleep.

Health guidelines recommend that children aged 5-18 years have at least 60 minutes of moderate to vigorous physical activity every day.

Night terrors, nightmares and sleepwalking

If your child sometimes wakes up screaming or crying, it could be a night terror or a nightmare. Some children might also sleepwalk. Although night terrors, nightmares and sleepwalking are all pretty normal, it’s best to talk to your child’s doctor if you’re worried or if your child’s behavior seems severe.

Bedwetting and toileting

If your child isn’t dry at night, he might wake because he’s wetting the bed. Or he might wake to go to the toilet and then find it hard to get back to sleep.

You can talk with your child’s doctor if toilet training and bedwetting are problems for your child.

Common childhood illnesses

Common childhood illnesses like colds or ear infections can sometimes make it hard for children to settle or sleep well. This is normal.

But if your child has been sick, you’ve probably been getting up in the night to soothe and settle her. Once she’s better, she might like to keep having all that extra night-time attention. If this sounds like your situation, you might need to be firm about getting back into your child’s normal bedtime routine.

Chronic health conditions

Chronic health conditions like asthma or epilepsy can also affect children’s sleep.

It’s a good idea to talk with your child’s doctor if your child has sleep problems and a chronic condition.

Some children snore. If your child snores all the time, even when he’s well, consider talking with your child’s doctor. Snoring can sometimes be a sign of sleep apnea.

Worries and anxiety

If your child is worried about something, she might find it hard to get to sleep, or get back to sleep if she wakes in the night.

You can deal with some worries straight away. For example, ‘Yes, you can have Isla over to play on the weekend even though Grandma is staying with us’.

For other worries it’s probably best to acknowledge your child’s feelings and gently plan to sort things out in the morning. For example, ‘I understand that you’re worried about doing a speech in front of the class next week. Let’s talk about it in the morning and work out what to do’.

Big problems like bullying can worry your child and affect his sleep over a longer period. If your child knows what you’re doing to work on the problem, it might help him sleep better. During the day, tell your child how you plan to help, and remind him again if he starts to worry at bedtime.

Anxiety can affect children’s sleep too. You might consider seeing your doctor or another health professional if your child’s anxiety seems unusually severe.

Getting help

Caring for your baby or toddler can be hard work when your baby or toddler isn’t settling or sleeping well and you’re not getting enough sleep either.

Problems with sleep can affect your child’s mood, schoolwork or relationships. You should seek help from your doctor if your child has sleep problems that go on for more than 2-4 weeks or that affect your child’s daily life.

To get help with baby or toddler sleep problems, you can talk to:

• your doctor
• pediatricians
• some child and family psychologists.

How professionals can help with baby sleep and toddler sleep.

First, the professional will talk with you to understand both the problem and your family’s needs. The professional will ask you about your baby, your concerns about your baby’s sleep, and the things you’ve tried so far.

A good professional always finds out what your goals are for your child and your family – there isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution to baby sleep problems.

The professional will then work with you to develop and put in place a baby sleep plan. A good plan covers:

• good bedtime and sleep habits
• positive bedtime routines
• settling strategies that you’re comfortable using. The settling strategies in your baby’s sleep plan might seem to upset your baby for the first few nights. This will pass as she gets used to the changes. Before too long, you’ll have a more rested, contented baby. You’ll feel better too. If you’re concerned, contact the professional who gave you the sleep plan.

A good sleep plan also covers what to do if the strategies in your baby sleep plan aren’t working.

As you start putting these strategies into practice, it can help to keep the following points in mind:

• Be patient. It takes time to get used to new routines. Resist the temptation to give up or change things too early. Agree with the professional on how long you’ll try something before deciding that it isn’t working and trying something else. Do your best to stick to what you and the professional decided will work best for your baby, even if it seems hard.
• Don’t be surprised if your baby goes back to old habits for a short time. If you’re consistent with the new approaches you’ve learned, you’ll soon have your baby in a steady, settled routine.
• Keep any suggested strategies in writing. Reading them will remind you of what you need to do. When things aren’t working, you can double-check to see whether you’re following the strategies correctly.
• Try to organize back-up for when you start new strategies. Find out who you can contact for help or emotional support. Most early parenting centers, for example, provide a telephone number for follow-up concerns. They have staff who can answer your questions.
• Talk with your partner, if you have one, and make sure you agree on the plan. If you don’t agree, this can put more stress on your family. It also means that the plan is less likely to work.

Although medicine isn’t the best solution to sleep problems, it can help in some extreme cases.

Tips for children to sleep better

How to sleep better for children:

1. Set up a bedtime routine. A regular bedtime routine starting around the same time each night encourages good sleep patterns. A routine of bath, story and bed can help younger children feel ready for sleep. For older children, the routine might include a quiet chat with you about the day then some time alone relaxing before lights out.
2. Relax before bedtime. Encourage your child to relax before bedtime. Older children might like to wind down by reading a book, listening to gentle music or practising breathing for relaxation. If your child takes longer than 30 minutes to fall asleep, he might need a longer wind-down time before turning the lights out to go to sleep.
3. Keep regular sleep and wake times. Keep your child’s bedtimes and wake-up times within 1-2 hours of each other each day. This helps to keep your child’s body clock in a regular pattern. It’s a good idea for weekends and holidays, as well as school days.
4. Keep older children’s naps early and short. Most children stop napping at 3-5 years of age. If your child over five years is still napping during the day, try to keep the nap to no longer than 20 minutes and no later than early afternoon. Longer and later naps can make it harder for children to get to sleep at night.
5. Make sure your child feels safe at night. If your child feels scared about going to bed or being in the dark, you can praise and reward her whenever she’s brave. Avoiding scary TV shows, movies and computer games can help too. Some children with bedtime fears feel better when they have a night light.
6. Check noise and light in your child’s bedroom. A quiet, dimly lit space is important for good sleep. Check whether your child’s bedroom is too light or noisy for sleep. Blue light from televisions, computer screens, phones and tablets might suppress melatonin levels and delay sleepiness. It probably helps to turn these off at least one hour before bedtime and to keep screens out of your child’s room at night.
7. Avoid the clock. If your child is checking the time often, encourage him to move his clock or watch to a spot where he can’t see it.
8. Eat the right amount at the right time. Make sure your child has a satisfying evening meal at a reasonable time. Feeling hungry or too full before bed can make your child more alert or uncomfortable. This can make it harder for her to get to sleep. In the morning, a healthy breakfast helps to kick-start your child’s body clock at the right time.
9. Get plenty of natural light in the day. Encourage your child to get as much natural light as possible during the day, especially in the morning. Bright light suppresses melatonin. This helps your child feel awake and alert during the day and sleepy towards bedtime.
10. Avoid caffeine. Caffeine is in energy drinks, coffee, tea, chocolate and cola. Encourage your child to avoid these things in the late afternoon and evening, and don’t offer them to him at this time.

It’s always a good idea to praise your child when you notice she’s trying to make changes to sleep patterns or is trying out a new routine.

When worries affect your child’s sleep

If your child has worries and anxieties that stop him from relaxing at bedtime, there are a couple of things you can do.

If there’s a quick and easy answer to your child’s problem, you can deal with it straight away. For example, ‘Yes, you can have Emma over to play on the weekend even though Grandma is staying with us’.

But if the problem needs more time, it’s probably best to acknowledge your child’s feelings and gently plan to sort things out in the morning. For example, ‘I understand that you’re worried about whether you can swim 50 m at the swimming carnival next week. Let’s talk about it in the morning and work out what to do’.