What is spirituality?

Spirituality means different things to different people. The variety of spiritual beliefs and customs are as varied as the people who practice them. For some, spirituality is primarily about a belief in God and the active participation in organized religion (e.g, Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, Animism, etc). For others, spirituality is about non-religious experiences that help them answer questions about the meaning of life (who am I?, what is life’s purpose?, why I’m here?), how people are connected to each other, truths about the universe, and other mysteries of human existence. A spiritual seeker is neither a theist (a person who believes in the existence of a God or gods) nor an atheist (a person who lacks belief in the existence of God or gods). A spiritual seeker has realized that he or she does not know, so he or she is seeking truths about the universe.

Spirituality involves the recognition of a feeling or sense or belief that there is something greater than yourself, something more to being human than your 5 sensory perceptions, something which is beyond the physical and that the greater whole of which you are part is cosmic or divine in nature. Spiritual means you are in an experience which is beyond the limitations of the physical (your body, mind and emotions). Spirituality means knowing that your live have significance in a context beyond a mundane everyday existence at the level of biological needs that drive selfishness and aggression. Spirituality means knowing that you are a significant part of a purposeful unfolding of Life in your universe.

There are a number of different reasons why people may turn to spirituality, including but not limited to:

• Asking deep questions about topics such as suffering or what happens after death
• Deepening connections with other people
• Experiencing compassion and empathy for others
• Experiencing feelings of interconnectedness
• Feelings of awe and wonder
• Seeking happiness beyond material possessions or other external rewards
• Seeking meaning and purpose of life. “What is the meaning of life?”, “What purpose does my life serve?”
• Wanting to make the world a better place
• To cope with feelings of stress, depression, and anxiety: Spiritual experiences can be helpful when coping with the stresses of life ¹.
• To restore hope and optimism: Spirituality can help people develop a more hopeful outlook on life.
• To find a sense of community and support: Because spiritual traditions often involve organized religions or groups, becoming a part of such a group can serve as an important source of social support.

Research has shown that those who are more religious or spiritual and use their spirituality to cope with challenges in life experience many benefits to their health and well-being ².

Spirituality is internal; it comes from within. Everything you need is within yourself. The only thing holding you back is your own limiting beliefs. With each limiting belief you identify and replace with an empowering belief, you develop greater self-awareness. And when you’re in control of your emotions, you’re in control of your life.

Spirituality involves exploring certain universal themes – love, compassion, kindness, life after death, wisdom and truth, with the knowledge that some people such as saints or enlightened individuals have achieved and manifested higher levels of development than the ordinary person. Aspiring to manifest the attributes of such inspirational examples often becomes an important part of the journey through life for spiritually inclined people.

Spirituality is a very personal experience, and everyone’s spiritual path may be unique. Research shows that some spiritual stress relief strategies have been helpful to many people, regardless of their religious faith ³.

Some things you can do to start exploring spirituality include:

• Paying attention to how you are feeling. Part of embracing spirituality means also embracing what it means to be human, both the good and the bad.
• Focusing on others. Opening your heart, feeling empathy, and helping others are important aspects of spirituality.
• Meditation. Try spending 10 to 15 minutes each morning engaged in some form of meditation.
• Practice gratitude. Start a gratitude journal and record what you are grateful for each day. This can be a great reminder of what is most important to you and what brings you the greatest happiness.
• Try mindfulness. By becoming more mindful, you can become more aware and appreciative of the present. Mindfulness encourages you to be less judgmental (both of yourself and others) and focus more on the present moment rather than dwelling on the past or future.

What is the meaning of life?

Before knowing “what is my purpose in life?”, first you need to understand human needs. Human needs is often portrayed by “Maslow’s hierarchy of needs”, proposed by an American psychologist Abraham Maslow in his 1943 paper “A Theory of Human Motivation” in the journal Psychological Review ⁴. The idea behind Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is that individuals’ most basic needs (needs lower down in the hierarchy) must be satisfied before individuals can attend to needs higher up. However, everyone ranks these human needs differently, and the way they are ranked explain why you are the way you are as a person.

Many of your behaviors are based on which of your needs are or are not being met. Depending on which of the basic human needs are foremost in your personality, you could be spending a lot of time consciously or subconsciously meeting one or two of them. And if you don’t succeed, it could negatively impact your overall sense of well-being.

Knowing which of your human needs is your primary driver and how this affects your ability to connect with others and develop healthy relationships is crucial to your understanding of what fuels you. It can also help you better understand and manage triggers and be in charge of your own emotions.

By better understanding which of the basic human needs is your driving force, you can set goals for yourself and implement positive behaviors to help you achieve those goals. Understanding these needs, and which ones you want to meet in any given moment, can help you embrace the power of growth and create new patterns that lead to lasting fulfillment.

Research shows that finding your purpose is linked to living longer ⁵. Researchers surveyed nearly 136,265 older adults on the relationship between mortality and finding your purpose. Participants who did not have a strong sense of meaning in their lives were more than twice as likely to die prematurely as those who had figured out their purpose in life. Having a sense of purpose is associated with a reduced risk for all-cause mortality and also reduced the incidence of cardiovascular events like heart attack and stroke ⁶. These results were universal, even when controlled for income, race, gender and education level. Researchers concluded that finding your purpose helps you live longer. It’s also essential for happiness and fulfillment.

Achieving goals may not help you find the purpose of life, but knowing your purpose can help you achieve your goals. When you truly know your purpose, you’ll experience a sense of clarity like never before as you’re able to connect what you want to achieve to your ultimate fulfillment. You’ll feel passionate, driven and laser-focused. You’ll stop battling with the past and the future and start living in the present – and that’s the greatest gift you can give yourself.

Here’s more on the basic human needs and what they mean.

Physiological needs are the base of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (Figure 1). Physiological needs include:

• Air
• Water
• Food
• Shelter
• Heat
• Clothes
• Hygiene
• Light
• Urination
• Excretion
• Shelter
• Sleep
• Support

Physiological needs are the biological component for human survival. According to Maslow’s theory, humans are compelled to satisfy physiological needs first to pursue higher levels of intrinsic satisfaction ⁴. In other words, to advance higher-level needs in Maslow’s hierarchy, physiological needs must be met first. This means that if a person is struggling to meet their physiological needs, they are unwilling to seek safety, belonging, esteem, and self-actualization (the needs higher up) on their own. For example, air is a physiological need; permanent brain damage begins after only 4 minutes without oxygen, and death can occur as soon as 4 to 6 minutes later. Water is a physiological need; water makes up 70% of a person’s body weight. You body requires a lot of water to maintain an internal temperature balance and keep cells alive. In general, a person can survive for about two to seven days without water. Certain factors, such as the amount of water required by an individual body and how it uses it, can, however, impact this.

Once a person’s physiological needs are satisfied, their safety and security needs take precedence and dominate his or her behavior. Safety and security needs includes shelter, job security, health, and safe environments. If a person does not feel safe in an environment due to war, natural disaster, family violence, childhood abuse, etc. and/or in the absence of economic safety (due to an economic crisis and lack of work opportunities), he or she will seek safety before attempting to meet any higher level needs.

Safety needs include:

• Health
• Personal security
• Emotional security
• Financial security

The next higher level human needs are unique and shaped by your individual life events and corresponding emotions. The top four needs in the list below shape your personality, while the last two (growth and contribution) shape your spiritual needs. People’s needs can be met in a variety of ways; you seek fulfillment through your relationships, careers, personal interests and more.

Each of us prioritizes our needs differently, and your decisions are based on which needs you put first. While the next higher level human needs are deep-seated, remember that your past is not your future unless you live there. You can choose to fulfill your needs in a healthy way, as well as bring balance to your life by developing your ability to fulfill all of your needs equally.

Many of your deepest needs are developed in childhood, when your minds are taking in all the information they can. This information, whether positive or negative, creates your beliefs and values and those create your entire world. It’s even been proven that stress in childhood has lasting effects on brain chemistry and development.

The need for certainty. If certainty is one of your core needs, you need to feel secure and safe about the future. When you receive positive recognition, it may be accompanied by a need for certainty that the recognition is authentic and will continue. In order to live a life filled with certainty, your life has to stay the same – a nearly impossible expectation to fulfill. So, you artificially control your environment by changing your expectations or by avoiding new situations or people. This process provides you with assurance that your actions will either avoid pain or gain pleasure, which then fulfills the basic human need for certainty.

• How to tell if certainty is one of your core needs: You are trustworthy and always do what you say you’ll do. You enjoy planning, thrive on a schedule and are very organized. You’re hesitant to take risks and have new experiences. You may fall into addictive or obsessive behaviors.
• How to fulfill a need for certainty: Find activities that you enjoy, but that also push you slightly out of your comfort zone. Incorporate healthy and empowering routines into your life. Give back to others to promote growth and contribution in a consistent way.

The need for uncertainty and variety. Though it’s important to understand the beauty of uncertainty, those who experience this as one of their top basic human needs can take it to an extreme. They engage in frequent job or relationship changes for the sake of variety, or take unnecessary risks to achieve the adrenaline jolt they crave. However, if uncertainty is one of your top human needs, you will be not be afraid of taking risks and will not avoid new situations or people.

• How to tell if variety is one of your core needs: You’re generally outgoing and like meeting new people. You’re always willing to do something new and have many interests. You can be unfocused and lack planning skills, and perhaps push people away in relationships.
• How to fulfill a need for variety: Feed your mind regularly with a variety of new information. Switch up your exercise routine, eat new foods and take classes with new people.

The need for significance. If significance is among the top of your human needs, then part of meeting that need includes receiving recognition. This translates into a desire to be seen, heard and listened to – in short, you want to be noticed. You measure significance by what you believe makes you unique compared to everyone else around you. Recognition provides you with a sense of validation that makes you feel seen, special and/or needed. Recognition is a major driving force behind human behavior because it provides us with a measurement system to analyze and track our significance. Recognition is also an extremely important part of keeping up employee productivity. Those who don’t devise a positive way to feel significant may end up taking drastic measures to make themselves feel good, like turning to alcohol or engaging in frequent arguments. Others surround themselves with people that they view as less skilled or accomplished to provide contrast to their own achievements. Either scenario can result in increased significance – but neither behavior is particularly healthy.

• How to tell if significance is one of your core needs: You’re highly driven to be successful and love setting and reaching goals. You’re committed to a cause – or several causes. Others tell you that you stand out. You can be overly competitive, perfectionistic or dramatic.
• How to fulfill a need for significance: Channel your competitive nature into healthy activities by learning a new sport or skill or by volunteering. Work on your people skills to become a more well-rounded leader. Commit to total mastery of your profession or career.

Love and social belonging need. If love and social belonging need is your top basic human need, you are constantly seeking out a close relationship with someone or something. You truly understand that love wakes you up to the gift of life. People need love, and this can lead to some incredibly fulfilling relationships – but it can also cause you to sacrifice self-care in order to take care of others or maintain a partnership.

• How to tell if connection is one of your core needs: Loyalty and generosity with those you love are your top values. You give freely and others find you trustworthy. You have strong social ties, but you can sometimes lose your sense of self and find it hard to say “no.”
• How to fulfill a need for connection: Be willing to be vulnerable and create deeper, more meaningful friendships. Communicate your needs to your partner to improve intimacy. Achieve greater spirituality through prayer, meditation or connecting with nature.

The need for personal growth. Those whose foremost core need is personal growth are always striving to be better and learn more. They are very good at their jobs, but tend to move on quickly as soon as they believe they’ve reached their full potential. Though their constant striving for betterment ensures they will never be bored, they can err on the side of perfectionism and neglect the rest and relaxation they need to keep stress levels manageable.

• How to tell if personal growth is one of your core needs: You’re always pushing boundaries, both your own and those set for you by others and by society. You’re very independent and are not attached to material things. You may find it hard to connect with others and move on too quickly from relationships.
• How to fulfill a need for personal growth: Develop your growth mindset even further by challenging yourself to not only learn, but truly master a difficult skill. Don’t forget emotional and spiritual growth: examine your limiting beliefs, learn to control your emotions and take up meditation or priming.

The need for personal contribution. The secret to living is giving, and those who experience contribution as one of their top human needs know this better than anyone. If you have a need to contribute, you will likely make a big difference in your community. However, you can lose sight of the fact that giving begins at home and neglect those closest to you as you change the world.

• How to tell if personal contribution is one of your core needs: You’re an extremely empathetic and compassionate person. You enjoy giving back and sharing what you have. You want to leave a legacy. Yet you may burn out easily or be taken advantage of by others.
• How to fulfill a need for personal contribution: Giving back is the best way to fulfill this need. Don’t just join a volunteer group – start your own. The closer the cause is to your heart, the more fulfilled you will feel.

Figure 1. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

Things that keep you from finding your purpose

You might think there are many things that prevent people from finding their true purpose. According to Tony Robbins (author, entrepreneur, life & business strategist and philanthropist), there are only two things that prevent you from answering the question, “What is my purpose?” ⁷:

1. Certainty. The need for stability and predictability is one of your deepest human needs. Routines help you conserve mental energy, and staying in your comfort zones can keep you from feeling anxious and getting hurt – emotionally and physically. But the need for stability and predictability also prevents your growth. The need for stability and predictability keep you in unfulfilling jobs and unhealthy relationships. The need for stability and predictability prevent you from finding purpose.
2. Limiting beliefs. The stories you tell yourself about who you are can either hold you back or propel you toward fulfillment. Limiting beliefs – that you’re not good enough, that you don’t deserve to be happy – lead to limiting behaviors like fear of failure and self-sabotage. Believing that you have no limitations in life gives you the confidence to find your purpose. As Tony says, “We can change our lives. We can do, have, and be exactly what we wish.” Believe that and purpose will follow.”

How to find purpose in life

Finding and knowing your purpose in life is a combination of the science of achievement and the art of fulfillment that creates the road to happiness and a life of meaning. To succeed in finding your purpose, you must master this balance ⁷.

1. Search inward

The questions “What is my purpose in life?” and “How can I be happy?” are actually the same – and they have the same answer. You can never truly understand how to find your purpose by listening to others’ opinions and seeking outside approval.

Everything you need is within yourself. The only thing holding you back is your own limiting beliefs. With each limiting belief you identify and replace with an empowering belief, you develop greater self-awareness. And when you’re in control of your emotions, you’re in control of your life.

2. Put purpose before goals

If you focus only on achieving short-term goals, you will never find your true passion or learn how to find your purpose. The goals you work toward must always be based on finding your purpose. If they’re not, you’ll only feel a fleeting sense of accomplishment and will soon be seeking something more. You won’t be able to see that life is happening for you instead of to you.

When you set a goal, ask yourself: How will this help me feel more fulfilled? How does this relate back to my purpose?

3. Focus on what you have

Developing an abundance mindset is like opening your eyes to life: You will see beauty and goodness all around you. With this new perspective, your purpose in life becomes much clearer. You question less and less how to find your purpose because you feel like you have more of the answers and that you are on the path to achieving meaningful goals.

When you focus on what you have, fear disappears and abundance appears. You’ll stop living in fear that you’re wasting your life and begin to attract positivity and joy. Finding your purpose becomes an exciting journey, rather than a stressful goal.

4. Take ownership of your life

True fulfillment comes from designing your own life. This is how you unlock the extraordinary. To find your purpose, you must decide what’s truly right, and know it in your heart and soul. You must not let yourself be driven by fear or anxiety. A decision made from fear is always the wrong decision. It will not help you understand “What is my purpose?” but instead confuse the issue even more.

To truly take ownership, you must stop playing the victim. Realize that every circumstance in your life is a result of your own decisions, not anyone else’s. When you take responsibility for finding your purpose instead of blaming others, fulfillment follows.

5. Think about what brings you joy

Look back on your life and identify the times when you felt the most joy. Was it when you were connecting with your partner? Making a successful presentation at work? Creating art or helping others? When you discover what brings you joy, you usually discover where your passions lie.

Your abilities are connected to that sense of joy, so examine them, too: Can you pick up a pencil and sketch a lifelike portrait? Do your friends tell you that you’re a great listener? When you look closely at the activities or skills that come naturally and also bring you joy, you’ll likely stumble upon passions that you can turn into a profitable career.

6. Develop your own life vision statement

Before you can ask yourself “What is my purpose?” you first have to know what an ideal world looks like and how you fit into it. Creating a life vision statement involves identifying what life would look like if everyone were living up to their fullest potential. This will help you develop a roadmap to guide you in the proper direction.

7. Discover your true needs

When asking themselves “What is my purpose in life?”, some people don’t even know where to start. If you fall into this category, it helps to examine the Six Human Needs. Your top need – certainty, significance, variety, love/connection, growth or contribution – affects every decision you make.

Lack of awareness about your own needs can leave you with a false sense of purpose – one that is actually based on others’ expectations. This is why you can reach the top of the career ladder, find the “perfect” partner or be in the best shape of your life, but still not feel happy. Fulfillment begins with your innermost needs.

8. Write out your story

Writing helps you organize your thoughts – and discover new ones you may not even know you had. It’s proven to help you reach goals, improve memory and decrease stress, which are all essential when you’re learning how to find your purpose.

Putting your life in writing can reveal hidden meanings you may not see otherwise. Start with this exercise: What strengths do you have that helped you get through tough times? How have you helped others? And how have other people helped you? Write it all down and you’ll begin to see patterns that will help you find your purpose.

9. Take time for yourself

“What is my purpose?” is a deep question that takes time and reflection to answer. When you spend all your time running from one commitment to another, you never have time to just sit quietly and reconnect with yourself. Make sure you schedule enough personal time to reduce the noise and demands of the outer world and focus on what you want.

When you feel depleted searching for meaning in life, take a deep breath and center yourself. Take time for self-care, whether that’s a spa day or reading a book in the park. It’s by looking within that you’re able to identify your values – the beliefs you hold most dear as a guiding force in life. You won’t understand how to find your purpose without first taking a step back and relaxing.

10. Embrace acceptance

Part of finding your purpose is accepting your own limitations. Instead of getting frustrated with yourself, give yourself a break. Get to know yourself bit by bit, taking the role of observer. As you practice self-compassion while building self-awareness, you’re able to find the meaning you’re seeking.

Self-compassion means being patient with yourself. Feeling lost in life can be a very disorienting feeling. You may feel frustrated, but be gentle with yourself. Everyone who has ever asked themselves “What is my purpose?” began from a place of uncertainty. Their hesitancy was what prompted them to dig deep and find greater meaning.

11. Find your community

Finding your purpose in life is often about discovering where you fit in. When you meet your “people,” you feel like you are home: relaxed and at ease, able to truly be yourself. Your community can often help you discover how to find your purpose, or to live your purpose once you’ve found it.

To find your community, follow your passions. Join a volunteer group. Take a class to develop a skill you enjoy. Seek out support online. Find others who enjoy the same music, books or plays. The saying “You are who your friends are” is true – and when you find the right community, it’s a good thing.

12. Be flexible

One of the hardest parts of learning how to find your purpose is letting go of old identities and interests that no longer serve us. Yet it’s something that must be done. Your purpose in life is also likely to grow and change as you grow and change. You must be willing to be flexible and to listen to your innermost wants and needs.

Finding your purpose is a lifelong journey. Being flexible lets you grow in integrity while being true to yourself. When you develop your core values and stop seeking external affirmation, you’ll find that the question of “What is my purpose in life?” is much easier to answer.

How can I be happy?

Happiness or satisfaction with life is all about taking care of your body and mind, focusing on the needs of others and looking to role models who have already walked in your shoes. When you put these principles in place, you’ll have the foundation you need to build meaningful experiences and start feeling happy.

1. Feed and condition your mind

As Tony Robbins says, where focus goes, energy flows ⁸. To get what you really want in life, you need a clear goal that has purpose and meaning behind it. Once this is in place, you can focus your energy on the goal and become obsessive about it. When you learn how to focus your energy, amazing things happen. You get insights that weren’t available to you before. You run into people who seem magically put in your path to help you. You overhear conversations or stumble upon resources that further your plan. That’s the secret of how energy flows where attention goes ⁸.

Where your focus goes, your energy flows. Put your focus on feeding your mind nutritious content and you’ll give it the fuel it needs to learn how to feel happy. Learning how to effectively focus your energy is a necessary part of this equation. Here are some activities that can help get you in the right mental state to create a breakthrough.

• Meditation: Think you don’t have time for meditation? Tony is a strong advocate for making the time to meditate. There’s no excuse, especially when guided meditation can fit into even the busiest schedules. Meditation is essential to energy and focus as it allows you to quiet your mind and take control of your thoughts.
• Exercise: Not only is exercise a necessary component of a healthy lifestyle, it’s also an ideal tool to focus your energy. There are thousands of examples of people having groundbreaking ideas while they’re on the treadmill or taking a hike through nature. When adrenaline flows and the heart is pumping, the brain is also working overtime on your goals.
• Music: As humans, you’re hardwired to enjoy music. When you hear music you like, your brain release dopamine and you get happier. Music expands your cognitive range, helps you increase energy and focus and can lead to impressive insights and breakthroughs.

Understanding that energy flows where attention goes is the first step toward the mindful achievement of goals. With this powerful concept in mind, you can train yourself to focus on the positive and enhance your mindfulness with the daily tools listed above. Once you start attracting more of what you want in life, you’ll understand the power of focusing your mind and becoming obsessive about the goals that matter to you most.

To feed your mind, read at least 30 minutes a day of something substantive. Social media doesn’t count. Try reading biographies of people who have achieved amazing things or books about science and history. You should be challenged and excited by what you’re consuming. Not much of a reader? Try audio books or even podcasts to provide the same level of brain nutrition. This will help immensely as you explore how to make yourself feel happy.

Here’s an energy and focus exercise to set and achieve your goals. Answer these four questions to the best of your ability to start the process of focusing on what you want:

1. What is something that you want to accomplish in the next 36 months?
2. Why MUST you achieve it no matter what?
3. What is one small action you can take right now to get started?
4. What are some 6 and 9-month goals that you can set to hold yourself accountable?

Keep this somewhere visible over the next 36 months. Focus on the results you are committed to daily, and you’ll find yourself consistently moving toward the result you’re after – and very often accomplishing them faster than you expected.

Focusing on the positive

What happens when you’re always picking out flaws or paying attention to the negative aspects of life? When you ascribe to the belief that where focus goes, energy flows and are already committing to staying in a dark headspace, it means you will get more negativity because it’s what you’re concentrating on.

You need to develop an abundance mindset. Choosing gratitude and appreciation over criticism and negativity leads to attracting more of the things you can appreciate and be grateful for. When you look in the mirror, do you see your beautiful smile or do you instantly notice how old you’re starting to look? If you focus on the positives, you’ll radiate confidence and be attractive to others.

The next time you’re in a new situation or environment, practice the “where focus goes, energy flows” way of thinking. If you’re outdoors, notice the cool breeze or the smell of nearby flowers. If you’re inside, try to spot interesting décor or architectural styles. If you meet new people in this situation, ask thoughtful questions and listen deeply to the answers. Focus on at least one personality trait you admire in each person you talk to.

How do you feel when you leave this new situation? How does this differ from similar situations you’ve been in when you’ve spent all your time thinking about how you’d rather be somewhere else? When you focus on the positives, you’ll be amazed at how much easier it becomes to unlock an extraordinary life.

Focusing on your goals

Where focus goes, energy flows is not just a concept that helps in appreciating life – it’s a powerful tool in achieving your goals. When you have a clear vision of your goal and devote your energy and focus to it, ordinary time-sucks like social media, saying yes to things you really want to say no to and losing track of time effortlessly fall away. All of us have downtime – the time between work, errands, family time, etc. – that you can take advantage of. Uses these moments to catch up on podcasts or books that educate or inspire you and help you further your goals.

The difference between those who are obsessive about a goal and devote focus and energy to it and everyone else is that most people are stuck in reaction mode. Instead of developing a clear plan, the majority of people simply deal with situations and issues as they arise and never really get ahead. Their focus is so dispersed that energy can never flow directly toward achieving their big goal. While they may still reach small goals or accomplish tasks, they’ll never get what they really want.

Having a clear result or outcome and learning how to focus your energy on it immediately changes your behavior, giving you the momentum you need to take small actions daily that will lead to geometric results. When you embrace an “energy flows where attention goes” lifestyle, you become more mindful of each thought and subsequent behavior because you see the bigger picture.

2. Strengthen your body daily

No matter how much you feed your mind, it’s difficult to make an actual change in your life and discover how to feel happy if your body is telling you it’s unhealthy. Your mind and body are one unit. Whether you feel uncertain or fantastic, your physiology changes. When you are feeling physically strong and powerful, your mind follows suit.

To strengthen your body, adopt a sustainable, healthy diet that incorporates whole grains and the nutrients you need for energy and cuts out sugars and additives that harm your health. Aim for five days a week minimum of exercise. Push yourself so your heart is racing for at least 10 minutes to get the full cardiovascular benefit. Aside from exercise, create a daily ritual to help make you strong. Your daily ritual might be a session of yoga, time in the sauna or light weightlifting.

3. Get a role model and mentors

Whether you’re seeking career success or inner happiness, role models and mentors can show you the right path. As Jim Rohn often said, “Success breeds clues.” Find someone who has overcome obstacles to feeling happy or think of someone you admire who is wildly happy. What mindsets or empowering beliefs do they have that allow them to feel happy? You might also consider getting a coach who can provide you with tips on how to feel happy as well as how to increase fulfillment in your personal and professional life.

4. Elevate your peer group

Many of us stay around people who are at our level of happiness or below it, partly because it makes us feel good about ourselves and partly because they don’t present a challenge. When you stay around people who are comfortable, there’s no impetus to grow. “Birds of a feather flock together”. People with similar interests, values, or even personalities tend to relate and band together, just as birds of the same feather would. Who you spend time with is who you become.

If you hang around people who are consistently negative and only look at the downsides of life, chances are you will, too. Opt to surround yourself with those who have an abundance mindset instead and see how much easier it is to find ways to feel happy. You need to be around people who do what you want to be doing. If you keep putting yourself there, something positive will happen. If you want to know how to feel happy, spend time with others who share your passions or who can teach you something new. You should also work on your ability to make new and meaningful connections. The more people you connect with, the more likely you are to find how to feel happy.

5. Give more than you expect to receive

Giving will change your state of mind in ways you can only imagine. In fact, giving without expecting anything in return and just trying to be a blessing in the lives of everyone you meet will give you the energy to do the previous four things and will inevitably lead to being happy. The secret to living is giving. When you’re grateful for what you have and always on the lookout for how you can improve someone else’s life, you’ve truly discovered how to feel happy.

No matter how bad things may seem, find someone who’s worse off than you and help them. Even if you can’t give a lot of money, there are plenty of ways you can make a contribution. You can give them food, have a conversation or help them solve a problem. Whether it’s large or small, offer something to others and don’t expect anything in return.

6. Spend more time outdoors

Living near green spaces and regular exposure to fresh air is associated with a better mindset and is one of the ways to feel happy. Sunlight produces vitamin D, which is important to fight depression, and nature sparks curiosity and wonder.

Schedule time to spend outdoors. You should enjoy nature with your family and friends as well as spend time alone outdoors to process your thoughts and reconnect with yourself. Regular exposure to fresh air, green grass and the sounds of water is a sure path to how to feel happy.

7. Get plenty of sleep

When you’re exhausted, you may give up on figuring out how to feel happy, you just want to zone out in front of the TV or go to bed. Feeling happy is much easier when you’re well-rested and able to face the day with optimism and energy. If you have trouble sleeping or if you’re so over committed that you don’t take the time for seven to eight hours of sleep per night (sleep deprivation), you need to make some changes.

Create some healthy habits that help you power down in the evening and prepare your brain and body for sleep. Say no to commitments that keep you from adequate rest. Turn off electronics an hour before bedtime and read by a dim light instead of watching TV or scrolling Facebook. Try aromatherapy or play relaxing music or white noise to help you fall asleep. When you get quality sleep, learning how to feel happy becomes easier.

8. Listen to upbeat music

Music activates your brain’s reward system and is one of the most powerful ways to feel happy. Music can act as medicine, a mood enhancer and a powerful form of self-expression. Slip on your headphones and crank up an upbeat playlist. You can do this while you work out, as you’re making dinner or anytime you’re struggling with your mood or feel like your world is spinning out of control.

9. Practice letting go

One reason so many people struggle with how to feel happy is their inability to let go. Whether you can’t let go of traumatic experiences in the past or can’t let go of an imagined disrespect from a co-worker, holding on to negativity leads to unhappiness. Identify emotional patterns that are preventing you from letting go and feeling happy, then make a conscious effort to change those patterns.

Have you experienced a life event that makes you wonder how to make yourself feel happy again? Remember that blame is a recipe for unhappiness. Whether you blame your ex or yourself for the end of your relationship, blame a higher power for letting your loved one die or blame your former boss for firing you, letting go of that blame and finding a way to forgive is the key to how to feel happy.

10. Practice self-care

Those who continually do for others without taking care of their own needs often end up wondering how to feel happy. Practicing self-care on a daily basis is the key to how to feel happier because you cannot live a full life unless you treat yourself well.

Take some time every day to do nice things for yourself. It can be as little as getting an espresso at your favorite café or taking a 30-minute nap before going out to meet friends. Then, schedule bigger self-care activities like massages or vacations on a weekly or monthly basis. When you start taking care of yourself, you’ll find yourself feeling happy and better able to help others.

11. Disconnect from social media and mass media

Social media and the mass media can hurt you and keep you from discovering how to feel happy, especially if you’ve just been through a break-up or divorce. Whether you are constantly checking your ex’s status on Facebook or dwelling on pictures of all the other people who look happier than you, staying away from social media and other negative mass media when you feel sad or are looking for ways to feel happy can help you improve your mood.

12. Avoid blame

Blame is a recipe of unhappiness and staying stuck in negative feelings. Whether you blame your ex or yourself for the end of your relationship, blame a higher power for letting your loved one die or blame your former boss for firing you, letting go of that blame and finding a way to forgive is the key to how to feel happy.

13. Find activities that keep you busy

Being too idle can lead to overthinking and rumination. When you’re trying to learn how to feel happy, you may find it difficult to get interested in things you used to love. However, the more you isolate yourself and avoid activities, the more you risk falling into a depression. Stay busy with hobbies you used to enjoy and you’ll eventually find they start bringing you happiness again.

14. Realize that life happens for you

It’s easy to fall into a victim mentality when you see life as a series of negative events that happen to you. Change your mindset: Life is happening for you, not to you. Every situation in your life happens for a reason and is a stepping stone to the next level of growth.

15. Connect with others

Life takes on more meaning when you connect and share experiences with others. This may be more difficult for introverts or those who experience social anxiety; however, it’s important to put yourself out there and form new connections as well as create deeper connections with loved ones already in your life. Something as simple as a half hour lunch with someone you enjoy talking to is one of the easiest ways to feel happy and enrich your life.

16. Plan a fun activity

You may not be able to get in the car and take that day trip or hit the beach right now, but even penciling it into your calendar can boost your mood. Part of how to feel happy is having things to look forward to, so go ahead and plan that weekend getaway or friend’s birthday party, even if it’s not happening for weeks.

17. Write it down

Writing or journaling helps to process your emotions. Whether you’ve had a particular experience that’s left you wondering how to feel happy, like a break-up, or you’ve just been feeling down, write it out. You may discover a new perspective or a solution you never thought of before. As another exercise, write down five things you’re grateful for. The benefits of adopting an attitude of gratitude are proven.

References

1. Brenda R. Whitehead, Cindy S. Bergeman, Coping with Daily Stress: Differential Role of Spiritual Experience on Daily Positive and Negative Affect, The Journals of Gerontology: Series B, Volume 67, Issue 4, July 2012, Pages 456–459, https://doi.org/10.1093/geronb/gbr136
2. Akbari M, Hossaini SM. The Relationship of Spiritual Health with Quality of Life, Mental Health, and Burnout: The Mediating Role of Emotional Regulation. Iran J Psychiatry. 2018 Jan;13(1):22-31. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5994229
3. Gonçalves, J., Lucchetti, G., Menezes, P., & Vallada, H. (2015). Religious and spiritual interventions in mental health care: A systematic review and meta-analysis of randomized controlled clinical trials. Psychological Medicine, 45(14), 2937-2949. doi:10.1017/S0033291715001166
4. Maslow, A. H. (1943). A theory of human motivation. Psychological Review, 50(4), 370–396. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0054346
5. Cohen, Randy MD, MS; Bavishi, Chirag MD, MPH; Rozanski, Alan MD. Purpose in Life and Its Relationship to All-Cause Mortality and Cardiovascular Events: A Meta-Analysis. Psychosom Med. 2016 Feb-Mar;78(2):122-33. doi: 10.1097/PSY.0000000000000274
6. Cohen R, Bavishi C, Rozanski A. Purpose in Life and Its Relationship to All-Cause Mortality and Cardiovascular Events: A Meta-Analysis. Psychosom Med. 2016 Feb-Mar;78(2):122-33. doi: 10.1097/PSY.0000000000000274
7. What is my purpose? https://www.tonyrobbins.com/stories/date-with-destiny/what-is-my-purpose
8. Where focus goes, energy flows. Create a vision for your business and your life. https://www.tonyrobbins.com/career-business/where-focus-goes-energy-flows